I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
