cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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