Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
