peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
