not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
