just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
