yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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