just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
