you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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