Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The best revenge is premature balding
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
