I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize