i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
