I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
