Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
