My hand turned me down
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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