That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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