if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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