If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
