Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
