Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
