I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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