I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
