my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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