If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
