I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize