im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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