my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize