First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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