that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
