Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
