He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
