what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
