there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
