Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
