4 words: hood of his car
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize