it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
