..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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