see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
