Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
