Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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