Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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