I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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