i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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