i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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