guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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