I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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