Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
