I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize