get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
