i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
