new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
our cab driver is having phone sex.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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