is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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