her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
