White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
