i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Houston, we have a squirter
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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