I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
