Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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