i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
