Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
