You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
