Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
