Capitaan dildo arrescate!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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