her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you didnt know i had herpes?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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