Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
