I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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