True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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