so that wasnt chicken after all
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
