Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
