I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
