Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you told grandpa to call you daddy
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize