need another drink. this is the easiest way
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
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