How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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