I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
