WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
