my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
