I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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