Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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