She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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