I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
