Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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