Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize