Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
