Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
