You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
