and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
