just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
