why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
