How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
