It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
