Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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