Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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