there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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