I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
