Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
