Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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