he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
