6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
