Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize