My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
