I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The Olympian is in my bed
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
