and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Houston, we have a blender
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
