Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
