last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
