1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How does one acquire holy water?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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